Why do I continue to doubt God? Maybe it's because I'm a human being with only a finite capability to understand the world around me.
I get so encouraged reading about the moments in scripture when Jesus's own disciples grappled with their doubt. Even though they physically walked side-by-side with Jesus, that didn't change the fact that they, like me, were nothing but clueless humans trying to understand what the all-knowing God was doing.
Take Simon Peter for instance. In Luke, chapter 5, he and his business partners were going about the normal routine of washing their nets on the shore. After a long, hard night of fishing they caught nothing. Perhaps they were tired and frustrated about that. Or maybe they knew that that was all part of being fishermen -- sometimes the nets come back empty. Either way, they were done for the day.
Enter Jesus. Borrowing Simon Peter's boat, he asked Simon to put out a little from shore so he could sit and teach the people from it. After he finished teaching them the word of God, he told Simon to take him out to deep waters for a catch. Watch Peter's response...
"Simon answered, 'Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.'" (Luke 5:5)
What was his initial reaction? He questioned Jesus. Do you hear the hint of doubt in his statement? Peter couldn't stop it from coming out, Um, excuse me master, we have already worked hard all night, and we caught nothing. Doubting and questioning the master's plan and request, Peter was once again impulsively reacting without thinking.
But as many of us impulsive people do, he quickly recovered. But because you say so, I will do it. What happend next overwhelmed Simon and his companions to the point that the nets began to break, the boat began to sink, and his business partners had to come help him out. There was such a miraculous catch of fish that Simon and his companions were astonished. Filled with healthy fear and awe, Simon worshipfully fell at the feet of his Master, proclaimed him as Lord, and confessed that he was a sinful man. It was a pivotal moment for Simon, James and John; the moment that led them to leave everything, follow Jesus and become true "fishers-of-men."
How often do I doubt like Simon Peter did. Um, excuse me Lord, I've been doing that and it hasn't worked. And how often do I respond with a shrug of my shoulders, a raise of my brow, followed by, Okay Lord. I don't know how that's going to work, but because you say so, I'll go ahead and do it. The state of my heart in that moment isn't one of worshipful obedience, it's one full of doubt and arrogant disbelief of my master's ability to see the bigger picture.
But thankfully, the Lord's view isn't limited like mine. He ignores my disbelief, takes what I see as impossibility and turns it into the miraculous, leading me to fall at his feet in reverent awe and healthy fear, confessing that I am but a sinner. Encouragingly, he tells me not to fear, and uses that moment to increase my faith, so that I will have no other option than to learn to trust, leave everything behind and follow Him.
A Tomato on the Vine
Ever heard the cliche, "God works in mysterious ways?" Would using a can of chunky tomato sauce be considered a mysterious way?
As I was making dinner, I noticed the heading "Hurry Up and Wait" on the label of the tomato sauce. I immediately identified with that particular saying. There always seems to be a sense of urgency rushing inside of me. I rush, rush, rush and most of the time I end up having to wait for something (or nothing) to happen. I was interested to know what the writer meant with his hurry up and wait comment so I continued reading.
"Growing the sweetest tomatoes required more patience than you would ever imagine. The soil needed the richest nutrients and the vines needed tender-loving care. Each and every tomato needed many days basking in the warm sunshine. Great flavor could not be rushed. All this hard work has been rewarded with those delicious organic treasures ready to accent your recipes!"
As I watched the deep red sauce pour into the pot, I wondered if any of us have really taken the time to understand the hard work and patience it requires to grow a tomato. My guess would be that most of us haven't. But the man on the can, who smiles proudly while holding a cluster of vine-ripened tomatoes, has and does. He knows and understands the hard work that must go into it because he is in the tomato growing business.
I then felt a little nudging in my soul to go deeper with that thought. Had I ever taken the time to understand the hard work and patience it requires to grow a person? Do I truly understand the patience it requires to care for someone from the moment they are planted to the point of maturity?
To this question, my shallow and sarcastic response was, "yeah, I have children." But as I delved a little deeper, and really pondered it, I realized that I had to change my answer. Having children gives me a taste of what it requires to raise a person, but not to grow them from the inside out.
I can teach and encourage my children, but ultimately, I have no control over their reactions and responses as they encounter the world around them. I have no way of forcing my child to get rid of jealousy. I have no power to change my child's lack of motivation to do school work, or to get rid of the anxiety he/she feels. No, those issues are a reflection of what's going on inside their hearts. It's bad fruit growing on the branch. If I could reach in and prune those detrimental emotions, I would do it. But I can't. And just as I can't do it for my children, I am reminded that I cannot do it for myself.
Jesus teaches that he is the vine and his Father is the gardener. "No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine." He doesn't stop there. "Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." No branch, not even one, can grow good fruit on its own, it needs Him. And just as the branch cannot do it, neither can I, not by myself. He is the vine from which I need to grow. He doesn't expect me to have the strength or the power to change my heart. He is the patient grower providing me all the richest nutrients my soul needs. Quite simply, I am like a tomato growing from the Vine.
My growth will not happen overnight. It cannot be rushed. Neither I nor my loved ones around me are professionals in the tomato growing business. We can encourage and support one another, but we need to understand that we are growing in this cluster together. And that is going to require more patience than we will ever imagine.
Philippians 1:6 "Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." I have confidence that God is not going to abandon His tomato growing business leaving us to wither and die. No, He planted this seedling as well as the seedlings around me. Although He had full knowledge of the work we would require to grow into maturity, He planted us anyways, promising that He, the perfect gardener, will see us through from seedling to ripened tomato.
What an encouragement.
Zombies, Skeletons and Vampires
What do zombies, hanging skeletons and vampires have in common?
They're all dead. Halloween is upon us and if I didn't know any better, I would think that I live in the local cemetery. Our neighborhood is filled with kids, young and old alike, and for some reason mock gravestones, hanging skeletons, grim reapers and the creepiest, bloodiest things you can find are what they want to set out for Halloween. It's cool, mom.
The funny thing is most of them would probably pee their pants if they were to come across zombies, hanging skeletons or vampires. Zombies would eat them, hanging skeletons would warn them that something bad is going on in the neighborhood, and a vampire would suck the blood clear out of them until they were dead. No more children.
Morbid, right? Yes, it is Halloween after all.
I was reading Ephesians chapter two and came across the verses, "As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath."
Hmmm... how fitting.
Perhaps there is a way to use all of this "scary stuff" to talk about death. We all know what it means to be dead physically. But to take it a bit deeper, what does it mean to be dead spiritually?
Hmmm... how fitting.
Perhaps there is a way to use all of this "scary stuff" to talk about death. We all know what it means to be dead physically. But to take it a bit deeper, what does it mean to be dead spiritually?
Well, since it is Halloween, I have paraphrased the verse above, Ephesians 2:1-2, using pop culture references. Fitting into the genre of horror and the most recent craze of zombies and vampires it is a metaphor about being dead in your sins and transgressions.
I was a zombie, following a ruler, a spirit who is at work in those who are wreaking havoc and mischief. I was the walking dead, searching to satisfy my craving for flesh, following the ways of zombieland. Those ways did nothing to give me life. In fact, just as a vampire sucks all the blood out of its victim, so did the world around me, making me even more of a zombie. Everything about that world, it's smell, the way it looked, even its voice seduced me. I craved everything that was separate from God, following my primal nature, putting all my needs above anyone else's. I devoured and destroyed anything that stood in my way in order to feed my craving for flesh. By my nature as the walking dead, I was doomed to return to the grave.
That is definitely a gruesome and ugly picture. But thankfully, there is good news.
But because of his great love for me, God, who is rich in mercy, made me alive with Christ even when I was the walking dead -- it is by his voluntary and loving favor, his merciful and loving character that I was saved from being a zombie forever. I was brought back to life. I was born again.
Halloween is a holiday where we are encouraged to celebrate the sinister, mock death, and act a bit devilish. As I walk around this weekend and look at all the creepy images of blood and death, the "scary stuff," I pray that our hearts might be encouraged by the promise in Isaiah. One day, the Lord Almighty is going to swallow up death forever.
"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and he will be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.'" (Revelation 21:3-4)
O death where is thy sting?
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