Christmas Gold

‘Twas the quarter before Christmas

And in the conference room,

Sat a group of worried businessman

Saying Christmas is coming soon.

With blank looks on their faces

They scratched their heads and said,

“We need to do something quickly,

Or our profit margin’s dead.

Our factories still sit stagnant

No one wants to buy

All the crap we’re trying to sell them

Think everyone.  Let’s try, 

To solve this looming danger

Our mortgages are due

Snap, snap! Think! think!

Before the holidays are through!”

They sat and sat, for hours

Brainstorming what to do

When suddenly, one lifted brow

And raised index finger too,

Tapped a chin so lightly, 

Thoughts whirling in his brain, and
Like an avalanche off a mountain
The brilliant idea - it came!
“I got it!  I got it!” the man exclaimed

As he stood up on his chair,

“Listen! Listen! Listen to this!

It’ll fill your hearts with cheer.


It’s really quite so simple,
A brilliant plan.  You'll see!  
Here's the best proposal 

I’ll explain it easily.
We’ll create a graven image 
A demigod he'll be,   

Requiring guilty worship

Of everyone.

Let’s see…

Let's make him sort of manlike,

Full of laughter, whim and glee,

But also with the power of god
With magic eyes that see. 
Every action good or bad 
Of every boy and girl,
He'll have the power to control
The whole entire world!    


A King, or boss, a C-O-O 

Of a whimsical factory,

That sits so shiny, gleaming bright

In a perpetual land of snow

With workers… No! Magical elves

How about the North Pole!

He’s berth, round, very plump,

He’ll be loved and adored!

He’s the reason that we shop

And fill our many stores.

Goodies, gifts, and trinkets,

All of it they’ll need,

It’s brilliant! Genius! Foolproof!

A grand idea, you see!

We create a magical story,

Their stockings he will fill.

If they just believe he’s coming,

Fill them up he will!

He’ll be so fat and jolly

Like us - a bearded old elf.

And all of us, well… we’ll laugh

We’ll laugh in spite of self.   

He’ll be our children's hero,

Saint will start his name

It’s moral, quaint, and sacred

It’s really just the same.  For,

The wise men brought gifts to Jesus,

To the Christ child, can't you see!

Why then shouldn’t Santa Claus

Bring to you and me!

If Santa Claus forgets their child,
Oh, what guilt they'll feel!
They'll crack from all the pressure,

They will buy, they will!
It’s a brilliant, brilliant, brilliant plan,

We made a god!  Behold!  

Our go-to guy, our saving grace

Our Christmas gift of gold!  

"Brilliant! Brilliant!" cried the room,

Of savvy businessmen,

"It’s Christmas gold!" (applause) "Well done!

Thank you all!  Amen!"

“Well done, well done, well done my boy!”

They said as they left the room.

“Let’s get started, there's not much time

For all the work to do

Go tell, go tell, go tell them all

Santa’s coming soon!”    

Inside their plush and fancy cars,

They drove out of sight, cheering

“A merry Christmas to all!   

It’s going to be all right!"
We’ll make our profit easily

By preying on each child,

To praise our commercial demigod,

Who’ll make their faces smile.

Our profit margins will fly up,

Our stock will hit the roof,

Oh, thank you, thank you,

Santa Claus, we’ll owe it all to you!"